“If I tell mum, she’ll just take my phone away or delete TikTok.”
I hear the above quote all the time when working with children and young people in schools (both primary and secondary).
In this ever-growing digital world, concerns about online safety have led many parents to resort to drastic measures, such as taking away their children’s devices or deleting apps and games they fear. In fact, device removal is now a v very common form of discipline in many households.
However, what might seem like a protective strategy in the eyes of lots of parents at first glance could lead to the opposite effect.
The Fear Factor:
When parents resort to confiscating devices or deleting apps, they often unknowingly instill fear in their children. Fear of being blamed, judged, or punished can cause kids to become secretive about their online activities, deterring them from seeking guidance when they encounter something negative online.
I’ve spoken to children in school who would rather keep incidents of bullying or concerns about whom they’ve found themselves talking to online a secret, fearing their parents’ reaction of freaking out and removing this important part of their life.
Prohibiting access to certain apps or games may encourage children to explore them in secret, away from the watchful eyes of their parents. Instead of shutting down access, consider engaging in conversations about responsible online behaviour and the potential risks involved.
A more effective approach to ensuring online safety involves building trust through open communication. Parents can establish a safe space where children feel comfortable discussing their online experiences without fear of immediate punishment. Encourage children to share any concerns or encounters that make them uncomfortable, emphasising that your goal is to guide and protect rather than blame, punish, and take away.
We all make misstakes (see what I did??)
When I work with children and young people, I always try to normalise mistakes. We all make them, and that’s just part of being human. Unfortunately, when it comes to children exploring and interacting online, many parents expect them not to. This is never going to happen. If we could all share some of our own mistakes with our kids (some of you may want to edit your stories a bit), I feel more children could feel less worried about making them and be a little more comfortable sharing with us.
This regular activity could help create a safe space where children feel comfortable discussing their online experiences (both good and bad).
Instead of simply restricting and removing, take the opportunity to educate your children about responsible and safe online use. Explore how making positive choices online will impact friendships and interactions at school, for example. If they do make a mistake (which they will a lot), discuss what we could do next time if things go wrong. We will help build understanding and digital resilience instead of fear.
In the pursuit of safeguarding our children online, it’s crucial to recognise that restrictive measures may not always bring the desired outcomes. By promoting open communication, building trust, and educating rather than prohibiting, parents can create an environment where children feel comfortable seeking guidance.
Be the parents that your children want to be the first to know, and not the one that ends up being the last.
After all, if we know today, we can help today!
Written by: Richard Pomfrett